OUR MIRACLE

One year ago today we held our precious daughter S, in our arms for the very first time. Granted it wasn't love at first sight....for either of us...but it was the beginning of a new and wonderful life for our family.

Big B, Little b, E and myself arrived approximately 12 midnight to the White Rose Hotel in Wuhan, Hubei, China. After many, many hours of travel, flights delays due to storms and lost luggage, our weary group of adoptive families arrived to begin the journey of a lifetime.

As we were riding the bus from the airport to our hotel on that hot, humid,rainy evening, our guide, Eric informed us that we would be meeting our children at 10 AM the following morning and that we needed to be in the hotel lobby by 9:15AM. Wow! Even though we were exhausted, we were too excited to care. The hotel room was so small...with only two very small beds for four people with a 5th to be added in 9 hours. We showered and crawled into bed...tossing and turning. The next day our small group of 4 families headed out into the heat and rain to the CCAA office. We walked up the flight of stairs and I immediately saw a little girl sitting on the lap of a woman wearing an orange shirt with another woman sitting next to them. I recognized my daughter. We sat down and as we were looking at her S was staring at us. The women from the orphanage pointed to me and I overheard them say "Mama." I heard S's little, soft voice repeat the word. The boys were attempting to make S smile by offering her the bunny that we had brought with us and before I knew it...this little girl was placed, stiff as a board, into my arms. She continued to lay in my arms, as you can see from the pictures. It felt as if I were holding a 30 pound piece of wood and not a 3 1/2 little girl. I had read some attachment books, and had prepared myself for crying, and possibly a shut down of my little girl. What happened next, I had not been completely prepared. As we finished up at the office, S must have sensed it was time to leave. Within moments, this board became a screaming, crying, shouting, punching headbutting, kicking little girl. As the sweat poured from our bodies, I used all of my strength to keep this little girl from leaping out of my arms backwards. I was punched in both eyes and when I held her arm, she would headbutt me. If I held her arm and head she would kick me.

She finally settled after our arrival back to the hotel and we spent the next couple of hours trying to get to know Shi Yan Mei.

It was a bittersweet day for me, that hot day in Wuhan. Our baby girl lost everything that she had known that day. Her grief was demonstrated in her violence. She continued to be violent for our time in China, but love and patience prevailed. To this day she continues with an "I know what I want" attitude and she for the most part, can defend herself in a squabble with one of her brothers. She can be assertive and boisterous yet sweet, funny and loveable. She is our little miracle and I still have to pinch myself sometimes to actually believe that I have been given the chance to be a mom again. I know that my guardian angel, Katie with the approval of the Big G, has helped guide us to S and S to us. I am so very blessed.

To those of your who have not yet received your child, please be prepared for any kind of reaction from your new child. I had no idea that S would exhibit such violent behavior to me and to her brothers. They too received her left hook many times. Please be patient as your child grieves for all that he or she has lost. Everyone grieves differently.

Enjoy the pictures from then and now. Of course I still have not learned how to post pictures in order. If anyone can help me, please feel free to comment.

J

MISCELLANEOUS THOUGHTS OF POOP AND PENGUINS

It's been a few days since my last post and I would like to explain. My boys have rediscovered
http://www.clubpenguin.com/ and the computer seems to always be occupied when I'm ready to blog. They have a blast on the game as one or two of their friends are members as well. It's an innocent game by DISNEY and while they are playing I can hear them giggling and laughing which makes my heart sing. I actually enjoy listening to the background music of Club Penguin and have found myself humming the dang song to myself on occasion. Maybe it's soothing or something....don't tell my kids though, they will laugh their heads off.

Today's date is the 27 of June. Last year at this time we were running around frantically, or at least I was, trying to makes sure everything was in its place as we prepared to travel to China. S has been with us for almost one year which leads me to my next subject which may or may not disgust you. After our return home last year we had her at the pediatricians for her check-up shots, etc. I needed to collect stool samples, which I am now an expert at doing, for them to be tested for parasites. Well back last August, my S tested positive for Giardia.
http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/dpd/parasites/Giardiasis/factsht_giardia.htm
Since last year she has been on countless courses of medications to attempt to rid her body of this critter. After one course of medication is finished, I would wait some time before collecting another sample, collect it, drop it off and then wait for the phone call. After the last time back in April or May the doctors had her one a double course of the medication. They doubled the dose, and extended the amount of time to give it...doubling it. Initially, I thought that was it and that we were done. Her (You know whats) actually appeared somewhat normal for a short time. Then......it happened. For those of you who have fought Giardia in the past know, it does not quite look like diarrhea...sorry for the description, and it's not formed...it just floats.
So, after I saw those floaters again, my heart sank and sent in another stool sample. Guess what? I was called several days later and told it was negative!!! WooHOO!!! But in my heart I knew those critters were still there. Those floaters aren't floating for no reason. So my mommy's gut told me to collect another sample, which I did. We got the call yesterday. The sample several weeks ago had been misread...(now how did I suspect that?) It really was positive and so was the sample from last week. Now, not only is my baby still infected with the Giardia parasite,but now I'm being told that there is another one making it's evil presence as well. This one is http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/dpd/parasites/dientamoeba/factsht_dientamoeba.htm for those of you that may be dealing with parasites.
We will now see both a GI specialist at St Christopher's and an Infectious Disease doctor from CHOP.
For those of you who may be adopting a child who has lived in a SWI,please be vigilant upon returning home. Even though one stool sample may be negative, please send at least three.

Now to change the subject which will probably make you all happy. I mentioned before that our one year anniversary is approaching of meeting my daughter. I will save that memory for a post next week. This weekend is when we plan on celebrating our Family Day. Friends who were were very fortunate to meet while in China, the P's and the G's, are planning on coming over tomorrow for our reunion. There were 7 families in our travel group, but only 4 of us families were in Wuhan for one week. We did not meet the others until Guangzhou and therefore, as beautiful and as nice as they all were, we did not get the chance to know them very well.
Unfortunately, I do not even remember their names.
But the week spent in Wuhan, was a week that will never leave my mind. It is those families who bonded well. Unfortunately, one of the families, the A's will not be able to join us because their beautiful daughter has recently had surgery and she is recovering. I hope that we will be able to see them in the future.
I have a busy day ahead today cleaning, cooking and getting the house ready. I am looking forward to this and have been for a long time. I cannot wait to see everyone.
I promise to take lots of pictures and post when I get the chance. For now though,
I will close. Remember, it's hot outside, please be mindful of your children and pets. Do not leave unattended in a hot car.
Also, secure your furniture...it may save a life.
J

I Don't Get It

Why is it that people continually leave their children ALONE in HOT CARS? It seems that every time I turn on the news I am listening to a reporter describing another incident in which a dad, mom, grandfather, grandmother, babysitter, etc. has forgotten about his or her child and has left them locked in a hot car to swelter, burn and eventually die. How can one forget his or her child? I cannot even begin to wonder what is so incredibly important in the minds of these caregivers to have their little ones erased from their memory for even just a few minutes. That's all it takes...several minutes in the sweltering summer sun...for the body's core temperature to reach the fatal limit of 107 degrees F. - Several minutes of a child crying out, helplessly wondering where mommy or daddy has gone. Several minutes for the child's organs to begin to fail due to intense temperatures inside a smoldering car.
I just don't get it.

LOOK MOM NO .....

I took all three kids to the dentist on Monday for their semi-annual appointments. The appointment was S's first time seeing a dentist....at least here in the U.S. I had been somewhat nervous about her visit so I waited until the boys were due for their check-ups before scheduling her. I wanted her to be able to go with the boys to help ease any fears that she may have had.
The parents are not permitted to go back in the examining area so that contributed to my nerves as well. What if she cried for me? What if she was scared and I was not there to comfort her?
I spoke with S before going and did my best to try to explain what was going to happen.
She had a blast in the waiting area playing with all of their toys and hardly hesitated when their names were called. She walked in the back holding her big brothers hands looking so cute. Then I actually had a bit of time to read a magazine without being interrupted. It was actually kind of nice.
Then one by one they came out...little b first. He said that S was doing really well.
Next was E....looking a bit sad. HHMMM. Then S came out with a big smile. Next it was my time to speak with the dentist. He said that in 27 years of practice, he has never seen an adoptive child from China, Russia, etc have NO tooth decay. Her teeth are perfect! Yeah!! Thank you God for life's little blessings and thank you Shiyan SWI for helping take great care of S's teeth.
I tried to transfer some pictures of S and her teeth but for some reason my came or my program is not allowing the transfer. I'll keep trying and perhaps get them posted another time.
The boys had good visits as well. No Cavities!!! Hooray! E was told that he needs to brush longer though...hence the long face.

We are now getting into summer vacation. So far so good. One of these days the boys are going to start complaining that they are bored. Hopefully it won't be for a long while. The key is to have things planned for them. Perhaps we'll go to the zoo or to Six Flags Safari. I haven't done that since my teenage years and I think the kids would enjoy seeing the animals up close.

Until the next time,
JUDY

A Busy Week

Well, it's certainly been a busy week as you can probably guess from the "no rhyme or reason" to the pictures.
It was the last week of school for the kids and the week was full of activities that kept me on my toes and in need of a quiet, resttful weekend. Some of the pictures are from the boys's ALL Star game last Sunday. As from my previous post, the temperatures had soared well into the upper 90's and the pool was a welcome extra to our home. There are a couple of pool pictures which included our guests Carol and her two children, Brian and Kyla ( the little girl seen in many pictures with S), and Sonia and her children Nick and Selena.
S celebrated her last day of preschool on Wednesday and the 3 yr old class performed several cute songs for their audience. I love the pic of S and her daddy!
Check out the video....S is sitting in the back singing. She did so well and I am so proud of her. She was so cute and so well-behaved and this "tough child" was nowhere evident during the past week.
The boys performed in the McKinley spring show on Wednesday evening and did very well. I really enjoyed the music and thought the kids were all awesome. Little B sang in the 5th grade chorus while E played the viola. I posted short videos of both.
After several days of wicked heat...( I loved it) our area was engulfed in severe storms Tuesday night. At 8Pm we lost our power. I had seen the storms approaching and had our flashlights and candles ready. After the storms subsided, Big b took the boys out for a ride to check out the area. Trees and power lines were down everywhere but no tornado, just straight-line winds.
It was still very hot and we spent most of the night trying to fall asleep. Little B had the most trouble and paced between his room where his dad was sleeping and my room where S had finally drifted off. The kids were a little frightened so DH and I split up to comfort the kids.
We were very lucky and our power was finally restored by 3 the next afternoon. There were others who were still without power for another day or so.
The next two days were spent preparing for E's Class End-of-Year Party being held Friday.
The kids had a blast with the water-balloon toss, 3-legged races, egg-races, etc. Friday the 13th was a bittersweet day for the boys as they said good-bye to their classmates until September.
S had a wonderful time Friday with the 3rd graders at the party. She fit right in enjoying the games and festivites just like she was one of them.
She has become the little swimmer lately enjoying the pool immensely. Last year she was genuinely frightened by the water. Now she swims everywhere...as long as she has her float-suit and floaties on.
Last night while at a baseball game, an ice cream truck came by. I took S and her friend Kyla over to get some ice cream. S may have gotten ice cream from a truck once or twice last year so after we had returned from China. As we were walking to the truck she proceeded to tell me that Nooma ( a staff member from her orphanage) had an ice cream truck. She tells me quite often that Nooma had things that we have here. Nooma had a new van....when we bought our van. Nooma had a swimming pool complete with the same shed as we have and Nooma had the same kitchen with kitchen stools that are in our kitchen. Many times I have heard S mentioning that Nooma had many of the same things.
I'm not sure what it going on...if maybe S is losing her memory of her time in China, or just her young imagination....I can tell that she cared very much for this woman and everyday her name is mentioned by S. I just wish I could speak with this woman...just once...to perhaps give S some closure. Maybe she has an email address????
Well, it's time to close for the evening. Just want to wish all of the dads out there a Happy Father's Day tomorrow.
To my dad, I miss you and Happy Father's Day in Heaven.

J

THE HOME RUN CHAMPION

This weekend was the hottest weekend so far this season. Temperatures soared to near 100 degrees and the humidity felt just as high. I personally enjoy this type of weather as long as there is cool air conditioning awaiting my return back home.
The boys, however, had to suffer through two baseball games in the wicked heat.
On Sunday both E and Little b played in the Fox Rok All Star Game. They were excited to have been chosen and even more excited to participate in the home Run Derby! Prior to the game each child was given 5 chances to hit the ball the farthest.
Early in the friendly competition, one little boy lead the others with 136 feet. Then E came up.....during his 5 chances he hit the ball 147 feet...taking the lead. After E, came little b. During his 5 chances, he pulled the ball 168 feet...beating E and taking the lead. Two other batters came after them but no one else came close. What a proud moment for a mom. Her two boys taking 1st and 2nd place.
All of the boys on both teams did such a great job yesterday staying strong and maintaining great attitudes throughout the heat. All of us parents t were proud of all of the boys. They are did awesome!
Afterwards, several of the parents brought their kids over to swim. We had such a great time and the children all got along so well. I got to know a couple of the other moms better and hope it will be the beginning of new friendships. Both are wonderful people.
I spent the rest of the weekend revising my resume and reposting on Monster.
Keep your fingers crossed that something comes my way...I'd like to try to go back to work...if I can obtain permission from the M.D.
I will be getting a 2nd opinion in July from a GI specialist at the suggestion of my physician.

Well, must run for now to get my boys to bed. Thanks for listening....
Until the next time,
J

The Yellow Butterfly

Our precious angel Katie made her presence felt several times throughout the course of our day today. It was the appearance of yellow butterflies nearby at various times, and in various places which brought those aching thoughts of my baby girl back to the forefront of my mind.
At one point, the three kids were in the pool and Big B and I were sitting on the deck watching them when E shouted and pointed...."Katie, Katie!"
We turned to look and there fluttering nearby was a beautiful yellow butterfly playfully dancing with the summer breeze.
I smiled and told them that yes, their sister is nearby, keeping watch and helping to protect her family...as a guardian angel does. This I believe.
Earlier, as I was speaking on the phone outside by the pool, perhaps that same yellow butterfly had appeared and fluttered closely to my shoulder.
My first sign of the day.
Even though my heart sings when I see the yellow butterfly, the sadness and grief of not having Katie with me is felt to the core. I miss my baby girl.

J

An Awkward Moment

The following conversational tidbits took place this afternoon after picking up my two boys from school.
After getting into van:
Little b: Mom, the Phillies won 5 - nothing.

Mom: Great! I forgot that they were on early. How did you know that they won?

Little b: We watched them in class today. But first we had to watch a video.

Mom: A video? That's always fun. What was it about?

Little b: Remember that book we got in the mail the other day?

Mom: The one that came to you...about puberty?

Little b: Yeah, that one. Everyone got the book.
Mom: How do you know that everyone got it?

Little b: Because R C got it.

Mom: Okay. Well, do you have any questions about what you saw today or read?

Little b: No

Mom: You know that if you ever have any questions about anything, always remember that you can ask daddy and me. We will always be here for you.

Little b: yeah.

Several minute later we were in the kitchen and I was preparing some simple snacks for the kids.

Little b: ( as mom was chewing on a pretzel) Mom, What is a wet dream?

Mom: (coughing and trying to maintain composure) Hmmm, a wet dream? Well, well, let me see. Umm, where did you hear that expression?

Little b: the video today.

Mom: good, good, that's good.

Little b: well, what is it?

Mom: Umm, maybe we should have this discussion when daddy comes home. Is that okay?

Little b: fine.

Did I mess up or what?
I could not help the sex-crazed teenager thoughts flooding my being at that very moment. My body went numb....then limp as if beaten up. Yes, those dreaded teen years are rapidly approaching with all of its daily struggles, challenges and glories.
God help me. What happened to the little boy who idolized Tinky Winky and sang "Do the Bloopy Shuffle?"
note to self........read up on puberty, the changes and the proper ways to explain its terminology without looking like a fool to your kids.
second note to self.....make sure wine is chilled in fridge for those after-puberty conversations to help mom relax.

Attachment problems?

Today, when I picked up S from preschool, she walked out of her class with "the look." It's the sad, heartbroken look she gets just before she begins to cry. The assistant teacher was standing at the door and hadn't noticed the tears when S walked past her. S came to me, I asked what was wrong and S began to cry. I looked at the assistant teacher who was looking at the head teacher, who must have been signaling to her from across the room. She then turned to me and asked if I would come into the classroom. The children were still filing out and S and I squeezed into the room and walked to the back where the head teacher was standing. I again asked what happened, but this time to the teacher and she gave me this look while slighly shaking her head back and forth. She proceeded to say that S kept making faces at another child during snack time and the teacher had S come sit by her. She went on to say that S continues to grab or take things that she wants out of others' hands and constantly pushes the other children's buttons. She ended with telling me that "S is just tough, she's a tough child."

Well, if that didn't get me in a tizzy, then I don't know what would. Yes, I understand that S has some problems that we are attempting to deal with. My husband and I have been trying to teach S how to share, proper behaviour, and basic social skills. But I guess it is time for professional help. I have contacted our social worker from our agency and she will be giving me names of therapists who have experience dealing with these types of issues. I just want her to be happy.

As far as the teachers are concerned, I'm not 100% sure that S should be in this preschool. I was very happy when my boys and Katie attended but for S, I don't think it is working. I do not think the teachers have the capacity, time nor education to deal with the types of issues in which some adoptive children may experience. The teachers have all been great, but perhaps it is time to move on. I need to do what is best for S and I have an entire summer to think about it. I would love to send her to a school filled with adoptive children but I know there is nothing like that around here.

Big B is so upset with the teacher that he doesn't want S to go back anymore this year. She only has a few days left and one of them is the end of year show. That could be really cute...or it could be a complete disaster.

I took some pictures of S and I think that they turned out great. She's beautiful and I wanted to share them with you. I've also thrown in one or two of my boys as well.

Enjoy,

J