ANOTHER BUTTERFLY STORY

Shortly after Katie died, we moved our family into another home not too far from where we had been living. We had been searching for a long time for a larger, more comfortable home in which to raise our 3 children. We found a wonderful house in the Fall of 2004 and on January 13, 2005 the house became ours. 8 days later my beautiful little girl was killed in that #$@$ house...prior to us ever having moved into to it. To check out the story, please visit http://www.usa.safekids.org/tier3_cd.cfm?content_item_id=20930&folder_id=301.


After her death I made the decision to not move into that house. I could not see ourselves there with those horrible memories forever etched in our minds.Therefore, we put that place on the market and began searching for another home. (The house that we had been living in had already been sold. )


We found this house within a month after Katie's death...we had no choice and we moved into it in April of 2005.


As I tried to maintain some sort of normalcy for my two boys we began to try to make this house a home. During that time the depression and grief was so strong that it took every ounce of strength for me to get out of my bed each morning. It was so terribly hard and many times I had even thought about giving up. But that would have been the easy way out. Therefore, I visited the cemetery each and everyday, crying, praying, leaving flowers and taping butterfly stickers to the wall which held my baby's ashes. All the while looking for some sort of sign that...she was okay...


I have written in the past about signs and how special they can be. I have seen upside-down rainbows, heard Thomas the Train songs and listened to my dog, JD whimper and bark and I knew he felt her presence.


That summer, the summer of 2005 we held a butterfly release on what would have been Katie's 4th birthday. Several dozen of us released beautiful Monarch butterflies in celebration of my daughter's life. Her short life touched many, many people. To see it, click http://katieeliselambert.org/show/video.html


For some reason though, each time a member of our family has spotted a yellow swallowtail butterfly...we feel very strongly that it is our Katie stopping by let us know she's okay. The yellow butterfly has grown to hold a significant spot in each of our hearts.


One night in 2005 I returned home from work about 7:45 in the evening with a storm rapidly approaching. During the day I had spoken to my boys and to my husband on the phone several times..each time one of them would describe the yellow butterfly sitting outside our front window ledge facing in. I did not think much about it...but when I arrived home they anxiously showed me this beautiful butterfly seated outside our home....looking inside. We thought for sure that it would soon fly away as night was approaching as well as a thunderstorm. It didn't. We watched the lightening illuminate its wings and couldn't help to wonder why it just didn't fly away. I prayed that it was okay and began to think that Katie was here with us...in the form of a butterfly. We went to sleep wondering about that little butterfly and how it would ever survive a night of summer storms.


Morning arrived and we got up in our usual manner. I walked over to the front window and my God that yellow butterfly was still there. By this time we thought for sure that one of its wings had been broken and it was there because it couldn't fly. We watched for some time and my heart was hurting for this tiny insect outside my window. So Big B, Little B and E went out so inspect the butterfly to see what they could do to help it. As they approached very closely...the yellow butterfly spread its magnificent wings and flew to daddy, Little b and finally E..landing momentarily on each...then flying away. That yellow butterfly stayed almost an entire day sitting on that ledge, facing in, enduring storms before greeting each of my boys, and husband before disappearing. Since that time, the Yellow butterfly has held special meaning for all of us. It gives us all great joy to see one as we feel Katie's presence strongly through them. How wonderful to see one!


As we sat by the pool this afternoon, our yellow butterfly fluttered poolside. I called to the boys and they walked to the far side of the pool. The little yellow butterfly sat on the ground very still. As the boys approached, this little beauty began to flutter between the boys' legs. We watched for several minutes as it flew by our shoulders, sat on the ground and generally stayed within a couple of feet of all of us. After several minutes, Little B went back into the house and E, S and myself remained outside. The little butterfly remained by our sides for about 10 minutes. She would fly around, back and forth from one side of the pool to the other,then land on the grass near E, or under our porch but continued within our reach. It wasn't long before E had to run inside....and it was then that I saw my yellow friend flutter away. E came back outside and began looking for it again. I told him the direction it flew and within seconds he spotted..another yellow butterfly dangling just above where the first one was fluttering about. I don't think it could have been the same one but who knows....????? Maybe Katie does.
I found myself fighting back the tears today watching my little friend. Once again the grief made an unexpected visit. When you least expect it the overwhelming sadness can encompass your whole being. It is those times that I find myself for extremely, fleeting moments, not believing that it has actually happened. Then the cruel, harsh realty resurfaces.
Grieving is a difficult, lifelong road that must be traveled forever. On it are bumps, twists, turns, curves and major potholes. The road is long but my faith is strong.

Until the next time,
J