OUR MIRACLE

One year ago today we held our precious daughter S, in our arms for the very first time. Granted it wasn't love at first sight....for either of us...but it was the beginning of a new and wonderful life for our family.

Big B, Little b, E and myself arrived approximately 12 midnight to the White Rose Hotel in Wuhan, Hubei, China. After many, many hours of travel, flights delays due to storms and lost luggage, our weary group of adoptive families arrived to begin the journey of a lifetime.

As we were riding the bus from the airport to our hotel on that hot, humid,rainy evening, our guide, Eric informed us that we would be meeting our children at 10 AM the following morning and that we needed to be in the hotel lobby by 9:15AM. Wow! Even though we were exhausted, we were too excited to care. The hotel room was so small...with only two very small beds for four people with a 5th to be added in 9 hours. We showered and crawled into bed...tossing and turning. The next day our small group of 4 families headed out into the heat and rain to the CCAA office. We walked up the flight of stairs and I immediately saw a little girl sitting on the lap of a woman wearing an orange shirt with another woman sitting next to them. I recognized my daughter. We sat down and as we were looking at her S was staring at us. The women from the orphanage pointed to me and I overheard them say "Mama." I heard S's little, soft voice repeat the word. The boys were attempting to make S smile by offering her the bunny that we had brought with us and before I knew it...this little girl was placed, stiff as a board, into my arms. She continued to lay in my arms, as you can see from the pictures. It felt as if I were holding a 30 pound piece of wood and not a 3 1/2 little girl. I had read some attachment books, and had prepared myself for crying, and possibly a shut down of my little girl. What happened next, I had not been completely prepared. As we finished up at the office, S must have sensed it was time to leave. Within moments, this board became a screaming, crying, shouting, punching headbutting, kicking little girl. As the sweat poured from our bodies, I used all of my strength to keep this little girl from leaping out of my arms backwards. I was punched in both eyes and when I held her arm, she would headbutt me. If I held her arm and head she would kick me.

She finally settled after our arrival back to the hotel and we spent the next couple of hours trying to get to know Shi Yan Mei.

It was a bittersweet day for me, that hot day in Wuhan. Our baby girl lost everything that she had known that day. Her grief was demonstrated in her violence. She continued to be violent for our time in China, but love and patience prevailed. To this day she continues with an "I know what I want" attitude and she for the most part, can defend herself in a squabble with one of her brothers. She can be assertive and boisterous yet sweet, funny and loveable. She is our little miracle and I still have to pinch myself sometimes to actually believe that I have been given the chance to be a mom again. I know that my guardian angel, Katie with the approval of the Big G, has helped guide us to S and S to us. I am so very blessed.

To those of your who have not yet received your child, please be prepared for any kind of reaction from your new child. I had no idea that S would exhibit such violent behavior to me and to her brothers. They too received her left hook many times. Please be patient as your child grieves for all that he or she has lost. Everyone grieves differently.

Enjoy the pictures from then and now. Of course I still have not learned how to post pictures in order. If anyone can help me, please feel free to comment.

J