Just Venting

I woke up this morning feeling a bit down, a little depressed. This post is probably going to be a bit selfish and semi-full of complaints so if you don't feel like reading about someone's else's problems, please stop reading now.

When I got out of bed this morning, the pain in my side was really hurting. It feels as if there is something poking me in the front right side, not the pelvic area and not the upper quadrant...but inbetween the two: Poking me from the front and going out through to the back.

This is a brief history of the problem. The pain started sometime back in February, around the time I was having a colonoscopy. That test was normal and it wasn't done because of the pain. I am anemic and that was one of the reasons the physicians wanted me to get it. Anyway, the pain started, I was sent to gyno who did pelvic ultrasound to rule out anything there. Turns out there are fibroids and a cyst...but the location of the pain is higher. Had a two ultrasounds of RUQ...1 in NOV, and 1 in April. These were okay.... location of pain is lower.

Worked my 12 hours shifts...barely was getting through them..could barely walk straight let alone take care of sick patients, so doc put me out of work on disability. His diagnosis...pinched nerve, as well as PSTD. (post traumatic stress disorder) HMMM. So, okay, he's the doctor, right?

I went back into grief counseling...which by the way is wonderful. I love being able to talk, and vent without feeling as if I'm burdening anyone with my problems....sort of like now.

I lost my job on April 30th. Because of the leave that I took last summer for our adoption, I found that I was not eligible for time off...even for medical reasons with a doctor's note. I do not have any feelings of contempt for the hospital, I truly understand their policies and the law and I have been trying to find the light at the end which would include a better job.

My doc sends me to an ortho doctor with an xray of the spine. The ortho doc looks at the xray, feels around the pain and proceeds to tell me that it's not my spine but the abdomen from where the pain is originating. UGH! He wants me to get a CT of the abdomen. I then call my primary who says I cannot have the CT because I've had two this year already. When I had pneumonia and pleurisy in the winter, they did a scan and found a nodule in my lung. I needed a follow up scan which was okay but now I'm so full of radiation that I'm glowing. GI says it's not GI, ortho says it's not orthopedic and primary doc says it's a pinched nerve. HELP! I have no job right now, I want to go back to work but am still no closer to finding an answer for this pain than I was back in February. I have been checking jobs online and have sent several resumes out. I am a nurse and have only done floor nursing in my career. I made the decision to try my darnest not to have to go back to that type of nursing again. Reasons saved for another post. Even if I were to find another job what do I tell the potential employer? Can I work through the pain and the constant worry of what it could possibly be?

If anyone has any suggestions please tell me. I'm frustrated, sad, and ticked off that my doctor won't do an MRI or something that will yield a definitive diagnosis. Family says to switch primaries, but that isn't so simple. Not even sure if I would be permitted to do so with COBRA>

Okay, that will end my complaints about my pain for now. Don't want to bore you any longer.



On another note, we had a beautiful Memorial weekend. The weather was picture perfect and I have some nice pictures to post.



I am looking forward to babysitting my good friend's Leslie's children tomorrow evening. She has 3 kids, ages 8, 5 and 4. Friday night should be a crazy, chaotic but fun place here tomorrow.



Oh, thank God that RQ has come back online. The site was down for several days and I actually felt myself going through withdrawal symptoms. I was so relieved when it came back. I found out how much I missed that community and all of its support.

I love RQ!



J